Woof 'n Wrestling
by Gordon Pasha
Summary: It's Valentine's Day on Dearly Farm and love is in the air. Except for Cadpig and Jake, who discover that the annual wrestling match with Villa De Vil is set for that very day. And now everybody is caught between the need to defend Dearly Farm and Cadpig's stubborn refusal to fight. Can there be any solution to this crisis or is more chaos the only result?
1. Valentine's Day

**Our second story chronicalling the romance of Jake and Cadpig is a semi-sequel to "My Fair Moochie." It's basically a sequel in everything except that it doesn't feature the Cadpig/Mooch pairing. "My Fair Moochie" is one of my favorite episodes and was the inspiration for my Jake/Cadpig pairing, so I always felt their relationship should have some sort of sequel to that episode as a starting point.**

**As always, I make no claim to ownership over Cadpig or any other 101 Dalmatians characters. **

* * *

"What do I get her? What do I get her?" Jake said, frantically running around the house, hoping to find something to give his new sweetheart. "Roses? Chocolate? A card? Anything?"

Jake's mother had just walked into the room. "What's the problem? You sound like you're looking for a Valentine's present."

"I am, mom. I need one for a girl."

"Well, chocolate probably isn't a good idea, unless you want to poison her."

"Poison her! Oh, right… What am I supposed to get her?"

"I don't know. Your father always gives me his serving of kibble for dinner. I give him mine, so it works out."

"Ah, but this girl's different. She won't be happy with kibble."

"Expense tastes? Be careful what you're getting into, son!"

"No. She just thinks with her heart, not with her stomach."

"In my opinion, you should be looking for a girl that thinks with her head."

"She does think with her head, she's smart, but it's just that… um…"

"She's a romantic?"

"That's right. A real pure heart. She wouldn't hurt a fly."

* * *

"Rolly, if you don't change it back, you'll be spending the rest of Valentine's Day in the hospital," Cadpig said after Rolly grabbed the remote and turned on the Gravy Channel™.

"But the _History of Mashed Potatoes_ is on," Rolly protested.

"I don't care. You know that they broadcast _Heart of Love_, my absolutely favorite movie, on Valentine's Day at noon!" Cadpig was nearly yelling now. Rolly recognized that nothing good was likely to come from the altercation and backed down, handing Cadpig back the remote and running quickly out of the barn.

Cadpig turned the channel back to her movie and sat with teary eyes affixed on the screen.

One of Jake's pets, the father and husband of the bunch, returned home, carrying a bouquet of roses for his wife. He laid them down on the kitchen table before going upstairs. Jake saw them and immediately got an idea. Jumping up on a nearby chair, he was easily able to take the flowers in his mouth and bring them back down. Jake ran outside just as the father came back down the stairs. The father went to retrieve the roses but found them missing.

"Could have sworn I put them right here," he said. With a shrug, the human went to search through the rest of the house.

Jake rushed to Dearly Farm, trying to both get there quickly and not mess up the flowers on the way. His success in the former objective was somewhat greater than in the latter. It was quite clear that love was in the air at Dearly Farm, as boys and girls attempting to impress each other were noticeable in every direction. Jake, however, paid no attention to any of them for he cared only for one; Cadpig. He quickly picked up her scent and followed it to the barn. As he was about to enter, Lucky called out to him.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you. She's watching her favorite movie and she hates anybody to disturb her. Anybody."

Jake looked for Lucky but at first could not find him. He looked around yet Lucky was not in sight. Finally, after considerable effort, Jake saw him hiding within the nearby tree, his head barely visible in its central hole.

"But it's Valentine's Day," Jake said, "Won't she want to see her valentine?"

Lucky gave Jake a look that made clear his opinion of the Westie had just dropped several points.

"Whatever," Lucky said. "If you want to end up eating those flowers, go right ahead."

"You sound like you're speaking from experience," Jake said. "Is that why you are hiding in that tree?"

"No," Lucky said. "I learned my lesson with Cadpig last year. It's Dumpling I'm hiding from. Every year, she expects a valentine from me, and she won't stop chasing me until she gets one."

"Why don't you just give her a valentine?"

"Then everybody'll think that she's my girl! Worse, she'll think that she's my girl! Do you know what she'd be like then?"

Jake, not knowing Dumpling that well, just shrugged his shoulders and walked into the barn.

"Yoo-hoo, Lucky," Dumpling said as she came bounding toward the tree. "Where are you so that you can give me my valentine?" Lucky hurriedly scuttled up the tree into the roof of the barn.

Jake entered the barn to find it completely deserted with the exception of himself and Cadpig. He was taken aback by how the barn without puppies seemed to transform into a ravenous cavern. The light even seemed to become dimmer, as if the day itself would not venture into this unholy place, but Jake could not be sure if this was real or the product of his own imagination. At first, Jake could not even find Cadpig or the television but, once he had done so, he was surprised at how small both looked. A feeling of trepidation arose in him. He gulped and walked slowly toward her.

He came over and sat right beside her. Jake looked over. The glare of the television hid her color and made her look a pale, ghastly, glowing white. Her eyes were now bloodshot from crying and looked very red. Jake was filled with terror and was barely able to stifle a gasp. He then, by chance, looked up toward the second floor and saw Lucky staring back at him. Lucky signaled for him to quickly get out of there, but this only served to renew Jake's resolve.

"Cadpig," he said, "I've brought you something."

No response. Cadpig just continued staring at the screen. The only move she made was to grab another tissue from the box sitting beside her. Jake was disheartened and looked back up toward Lucky. Lucky was still motioning for him to leave as quickly as he could. Jake once again felt defiant. Grabbing the flowers, he stuck them right in Cadpig's face.

"So… what do you think?" he said.

"Jake," Cadpig responded, at first sweetly but increasingly with more anger, "I think if you don't get those flowers out of my face, I'll stuff them down your throat!"

Jake hurriedly pulled the flowers back. Lucky smacked his head with his paw. His opinion of Jake had just dropped several more points.

Jake, for a moment, was sitting on edge, unsure whether he should make a bolt for the door or brace himself for the expected punch. Then, he saw the words "The End" appear on the screen and breathed a sigh of relief. Cadpig began sobbing heartily. Jake stretched out his paw to pat her on the back but then saw Lucky shaking his head "no." Jake quickly pulled back his foreleg. Suddenly, Cadpig grabbed onto him and began crying on his shoulder, gripping him so tightly that she began to suffocate him. Jake was barely able to look up at Lucky, who just mouthed, "Same thing happened to me last year."

After sobbing for a minute and nearly crushing Jake's ribs, Cadpig suddenly stopped. She looked up, her eyes now miraculously free of any tears or redness and her expression one of puzzlement. "Hi, Jake," she said. "When did you get here?"

"Hi, Cadpig," Jake responded, "my lungs are collapsing."

Realizing what she was doing, Cadpig quickly let Jake go and smiled in embarrassment. As he recovered his breath, Jake picked up the flowers and gave them to Cadpig. "Happy Valentine's Day, Caddy," he said.

Cadpig looked at the flowers, now slightly dirty and worse for ware, and said, "They're lovely! Where did you get them?"

"Hey, I've got connections," Jake said with a smile.

Just then, Dumpling burst into the barn. "Where's Lucky," she growled. "I know he's in here!"

Jake looked up toward the second floor and Cadpig's eyes followed his. Lucky was shaking his head "no" once again. They both turned back to Dumpling and said at once, motioning with their heads, "He's up there."

Lucky bolted as Dumpling tried to figure out how to climb to the second floor. Meanwhile, Jake and Cadpig walked out together.

* * *

"So, what you're saying is that the universe is some sort of… living thing?" Jake asked.

"Mh-hm," Cadpig responded. "The trees, the birds, the stars, you and me, everything is part of this great big bundle of love we call the universe."

"Huh. I never thought of it that way."

"Well, now you do! So take in the sunshine and laugh because the whole universe is laughing with you!"

Jake and Cadpig were sitting in a small glade, Cadpig busy meditating, Jake awkwardly trying to mimic her. He, however, ended up falling over. Getting up, he said, "So, Cadpig, what do you want to do for Valentine's?"

Cadpig opened her mouth to answer, but never got the words out, for Vendella now appeared in the glade.

"Well, well, well," she said, "Out for a hike? You're going to need it!"  
"What do you want, Vendella?" Cadpig said with clear derision.

"Oh, I think you know what I want, after that stunt you pulled last year. Don't think I don't know that it was all part of your plan to steal the title for yourself! Our champion beat yours fair and square, and that should have been the end of it! But no, you had to jump in when our champ was off guard and cheat your way to the title…"  
Cadpig growled. "Look, you think I care about your barbaric wrestling championship? Eh-no. Somebody just had to do something about all that violence your champion was causing. Luckily, I cured him of that."

Vendella chuckled. "Right, whatever. Well, all I can say is that you better be saying your prayers and taking your vitamins, because we're demanding a rematch… today!"

Cadpig's jaw dropped. She seethed with anger. "You can't do that!"

"Yes we can, or don't you remember that it has been nearly a year? Since we lost, that means we can call a rematch anytime within the month. So, today at three. Got it?"

"But, it's Valentine's Day, dedicated to love and compassion! You can't hold a wrestling match today! That's… that's… unholy!"

"Well, get used to it, because come three o'clock, you're going to be in that wrestling match! See you then." Her mission accomplished, Vendella walked away laughing.

Cadpig collapsed; she was very clearly despondent.

"What was that all about?" Jake said.

"The annual wrestling match," Cadpig said distantly. "Every year, someone from Dearly Farm goes up against an opponent chosen by Villa DeVil to see who is the animal wrestling champion of the county."

"Hm. Wrestling. I used to do a bit of that myself back in the old city. I could really knock 'em down!" Jake made a few boxing jabs into the air and then stood beaming with pride. He was certain that this would impress Cadpig.

Cadpig simply eyed him with a look of disgust for a moment; had she not been so shocked by what she had just been told it would have been a look of horrified indignity. As it was, she just muttered, "Yes, well, we'll have to work on that…" and returned to staring blankly. Jake got the hint, however, and decided to backpedal quickly. "Well, it wasn't anything serious. Not like a career or anything. Just a bit of fun to pass boring weekends. But then we moved and I met… you."

Jake looked longingly into Cadpig's eyes, the typical puppy-dog stare in all its glory. Cadpig paid no attention, still staring out distantly. Jake could sense that it was time for a change of tactics.

"Yeah, well, what does this wrestling match have to do with you? If you don't like it, they can't force you to watch it or anything."

"But, you don't understand. I'm… I'm the champion."

Jake staggered back. "You hate wrestling! You hate violence! How can you possibly be the wrestling champion?"

"I never wanted to be the champion. I tried to shut the whole thing down from the inside. My first boyfriend, I tried to turn him away from wrestling."

"Did it work?"

"Yes, but one thing led to another and I got mixed up in the fighting. I don't remember much of it, actually. Lucky says I threw the Villa DeVil champ into the ring bell. I don't know; Lucky can make up such stories."

"I wouldn't have any trouble believing it at all." Jake felt his jaw. Still a bit sore from all the punches he had received when courting Cadpig.

"Yes, well, he became my new boyfriend…"

Jake now began to twitch nervously. "If I may ask, how many boyfriends have you had?"

"You're the third in the past year."

"Oh, the third in a year… that's… something…. That's definitely some sort of thing."

Cadpig momentarily came out of her daze. "Does that bother you?" she said with genuine concern and not a little bafflement. "You must have had several girlfriends before me."

"No! No! Of course not… well, there was a Pekinese… oh, wait, that doesn't really count…"

"What am I going to do? What am I going to do?" Cadpig was back in her disconnected state. "Think, Cadpig, think!"

"They can't just make you go through with it, can they?" Jake asked. "I mean, that's, what, extortion? No, not extortion. Reckless endangerment? No, that doesn't seem right either. Involuntary manslaughter? Huh, dad was right; I do need to watch more Perry Mason."

Cadpig now perked up. Something in this disorganized rambling at caught her attention. "That's right, Jake," she said, "they can't actually make me do anything! As long as I don't show up, there is nothing they can do! C'mon, let's go down to Grutely. I know a great little place where the dumpsters are always overfl–"

"Wait, Caddy, so you're saying you can just not go to the match with no worries?"

"Yes! I just have to not show up and the title will forfeit to Villa De Vil and everybody will see how pointless this whole barbaric spectacle really is!"

Jake was struck with concern. "Forfeit? Forfeit? You mean, the whole farm will be disgraced if you don't show?"

Cadpig nodded serenely. "Serves them right, too."

"Can't they do something else like get a substitute?"

"Well, Dearly Farm can re-challenge after the title passes to Villa De Vil. I doubt that Vendella will let that happen this time, though."

"But, we can't let Dearly Farm be shamed!" Jake could not hide his anxiety.

Cadpig smiled at him, as though she thought his little panic attack was cute. "It's just a wrestling match. They'll get over it. Besides, they could use a taste of humble-pie."

"But the De Vil crew are the whole farm's sworn enemies! I don't think I could look anybody else in the face if we didn't stop them from pulling one over!"

"Just remember, it's all for the greater good…" Cadpig now got up and started walking in the other direction. Jake did not follow. Instead, he looked back toward the farm. Noticing that he was not with her, Cadpig turned back and looked at him half with disapproval for what she knew he was thinking and half with anticipation of what she knew he would do. Seeing her, Jake immediately stepped in line, both literally and metaphorically, and ran up to her. The two walked away, Jake occasionally stealing glances at the farm in the distance.

* * *

**Will Cadpig succeed in avoiding the wrestling match? Will she and Jake actually be able to have a decent Valentine's Day? Will Dearly Farm be able to defend its honor without a defending champion? Read on to find out in our next installment, "Love vs. Wrestling"!**


	2. Love vs Wrestling

"Where is she? Where is she?" Spot said as she ran through the fields of Dearly Farm.  
"Hey! Hold up, will ya!" Rolly called after her as he started to fall behind.

"Where is who?" Lucky said as he poked his head out of one of the haystacks.

"Cadpig!" Spot said.

"She could be anywhere," Lucky said. "Why do you need her?"

"Haven't you heard?" Rolly said.

"No, I've been on the run from Dumpling all day."

"It's about time for this year's wrestling match," Spot said, "and Vendella has decided to cash in her wrestling rematch clause this afternoon!"

"She can't do that!" Lucky yelled. "We didn't even get a chance to prepare!"

"She can do whatever she wants. You know the rules."

"I know, but it's still unfair. If only I could show her a thing or two…"

"But, you know, Cadpig has to do it," Rolly said.

Lucky slapped his forehead with his paw. "I forgot! She'll never agree to it! No point in even trying to find her. We might as well just give up."

"What?" Spot said. "Am I really hearing Lucky saying he wants to give up? You never give up!"

"I don't like it," Lucky said, "but I've got bigger problems to worry about."

"Like what?"

"Oh, Lucky, where are you? I'm ready for my valentine," Dumpling called out as she came bounding up.

"Like that," Lucky said before disappearing back into the haystack.

Cadpig and Jake were now sitting down in a sidewalk café, one of those ramshackle affairs which dogs were occasionally to set up in deserted alleyways. The air was soft and sweet and the day seemed perfect. The two just sat across the table from one another staring dreamily into each other's eyes.

"This has got to be one of the most romantic spots in town," Cadpig said. "And to think, the Flea Bite only recently opened up a branch in Grutely."

Meanwhile, at another table, sat two ruffians. "You comin' to the big fight, today?" said one to the other.

"Where's it at?" replied his companion.

"Down at that old Smedley place. Vendella wants me to stan' guard and prevent those Dalmatian runts from pullin' a fast one."

"Sure, why not? You know I'm always lookin' for a good fight!" The dog pounded one paw into the other.

The first canine ruffian smiled evilly and nodded in appreciation. "We're gonna show 'em, all right!'

Hearing this, Cadpig was filled with anger. "How dare you," she said as she jumped atop her table, "come in here on Valentine's Day and talk about that bloodsport!" She then pounced upon them both with great ferocity and soon enough they were both sent flying across the alleyway.

"That'll teach you to fight on Valentine's Day!" Cadpig said as she wiped her hands on the remains of their tablecloth (the table was shattered). Jake looked on in amazement as Cadpig walked over and sat back down in her chair.

An Irish setter now walked up to them. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you two to leave," she said.

Cadpig and Jake walked up to the Cruellaplex. As usual, Jasper stood guarding the entryway.

"How are we going to get past him?" Jake asked.

"Watch and learn," Cadpig responded. Seeing a piece of half-eaten corn dog laying on the ground, she picked it up and began walking toward Jasper. She turned back briefly to signal Jake to follow her.

Jasper, seeing the dogs, stopped them and said "You know the rules. Get your food inside or don't get any food at all!" He then took the corn dog.

Cadpig looked back at Jake. "Rules are rules," she said with a wink. She then pretended to be heartbroken, her eyes downcast and her ears dragging along the ground as she lowered her head in sorrow. Jasper waved the two through. He then spoke into his walkie-talkie, "Caught another mutt trying to sneak food in, Horace. I made sure that they went in without it!"

"Gee, that's the third one today," said Horace on the other end. "We'll be sure to get a pay-raise for sure!"

"I know, just think of what we'll do with actual money!"

"You see, nothing to it," Cadpig said to Jake as she once again became her happy self. Jake smiled, appreciating her ingenuity. They walked into one of the theaters after Cadpig found a title which caught her eye.

They took two deserted seats and waited for the movie to start. As is customary, several previews played first.

"These things are getting longer every day," Jake said.

"At least the movie should be good," Cadpig said. "It's supposed to be the number-one romantic comedy of the year."

Then, there suddenly appeared upon the screen the figure of a man. He was short and rotund, this man, but he projected a presence that was unfathomably large. His face and chest were covered by an impressively gigantic beard of which no attempt had yet been made to keep clean or untangled. And strewn throughout this strange forest of facial hair was a gaudy mane of obviously fake jewelry, so bright that it seemed to obscure the dusty sports jacket he wore underneath. Upon his head was a large black top-hat which seemed to make him much taller than he actually was. Upon the brim was perched a strange buffalo skull through which stretched a number of worn-down chicken feathers. With its wearer's every movement, the skull seemed to come closer to crashing to the ground, yet by some miracle it never fell. His eyes were hidden from view by large dark sunglasses but even these glasses could not disguise his sharp and penetrating gaze, his proud and lofty countenance. Whatever else might have been said about him, it was obvious that this was a man of great authority and purpose.

"Come down today," he said, as though he was commanding a multitude, "to Tommy Bison's Wrestling Emporium!"

"Wrestling… Emporium?" Cadpig said with anger and disgust.

"Calm down, Cadpig," Jake said. "It's just a commercial."

"That's right," Tommy Bison continued. "I am Grutely's only official-ish professional wrestling promoter/instructor and I want you to come down to take a gander at some of my shows and maybe even become a wrestler you-self!"

Without warning, Tommy Bison grabbed the camera and ran with it at breakneck speed into his wrestling facility itself, further threatening his strange head ornament. There were barely any lights in the place and it seemed to consist entirely of a small grey room wherein was set up some sort of home-made ring, one which looked worse than what the dogs had set up at Dearly Farm.

"Just see how popular my show is!" Tom said as he waved the camera at the spectators who seemed to pack the little room from one end to another.

"At least he brings in an audience," said Jake as he watched this.

But then, Tom brought the camera closer to the audience and it became clear in the camera-light that, instead of bringing in actual people, he had merely painted his audience on the walls.

"Spoke to soon," Cadpig said in disbelief.

"Why attractify those spectator-like people when you can just paint 'em on the walls, I always say!" Tom interjected, as though proud of this piece of home-spun wisdom. "It don't cost nearly nothing, 'cept the paint!"

Tom now climbed into the ring itself, where two men were about to begin a match.

"Yes, I am owner of the largest and most beloved wrestling promotion in North America, the world, Singapore, and several other planets of this here solar system!" said Tom. "Just see for you-self the prowess of my superstars."

He then pointed at the pair of wrestlers, who began to slug each other. Except that each missed the other by a large margin. After this continued for some time, Tommy Bison stamped his foot. The wrestlers, turning toward him, recognized his wrath and knew that it was something they wanted to avoid. So, each man made good their lack of dramatic training as both acted as though they had been stabbed by some invisible knife. After wailing and moaning, both fell to the ground, pretending to be dead – each going into violent spasms to heighten the effect. After they had laid silent for a minute, both got up and began to throw punches (and always miss) again.

Tom beamed with pride as he watched them. "Yes, Vince McMahon fears me!" he said. "Ever since I come around, he's stuck with the number two wrestling empire."

And then, walking back toward the wall, Tommy Bison produced a rubber tomahawk out of nowhere. "So come on down to Tommy Bison's Wrestling Emporium today! It's the best darn time you can have this side of Mars!" To emphasize his point, the man let out a thunderous rebel yell and banged his rubber tomahawk against the wall. For a moment, nothing, but then a rumbling. And the whole facility soon fell down atop him, burying the camera and sending everything into darkness.

And then, a moment later, light, as Tommy Bison pushed both his head (buffalo skull still atop it) and the camera out of the rubble. "We'll fix that!" he said with a smile as the vignette ended.

"That's it!" Cadpig said. "We're leaving!"

"But–" Jake began, but Cadpig grabbed him and dragged him out of the theater. Though the movie was just beginning, Cadpig had lost all desire to see a film.

Cadpig dragged Jake out past Jasper. "What? Too good for theater food?" he said. Cadpig took a moment to pounce on his foot, causing him to jump around in agony. Smiling maliciously, she walked off. Thinking it best not to be around when Jasper recovered, Jake quickly followed.

Cadpig and Jake walked along a small sandy area at the river's edge.

"This is so romantic," Cadpig said. "A relaxing walk on a quiet beach."

"Or what passes for it in Grutely," Jake said, eyeing a few empty soda-cans which had just washed up on shore.

They soon came up to a park bench and jumped up on it. Jake and Cadpig curled up together and silently watched the waves crash upon the sands. It was peaceful and serene. The perfect romantic view. This was not to last. A noisy plane flew overhead. Looking up, Jake and Cadpig saw that it was carrying a banner proclaiming, "Come on down to Tommy Bison's Wrestling Emporium today!"

"Tommy Bison is going to pay for this," Cadpig remarked as her eyes burned in anger.

"Don't worry, Caddy," Jake said, patting her back. "It'll be gone in a moment."

No sooner were these words spoken than another bombastic plane entered the scene with another banner, this one reading; "Tommy Bison wants you! To wrestle for his promotion!"

Cadpig let out a yell of frustration and jumped off the bench without another word. Jake followed her as she stomped away from the beach as quickly as she could.

* * *

**Cadpig and Jake's date isn't working out too well. But what consequence will this have for Dearly Farm, whose time is almost up? Is there going to be a defending champion or is there even going to be a fight at all? And can anybody untangle this terrible knot of love, wrestling, and talking animals? It all comes to a head next time in "The Ultimate Dearly Farm Grudge Match"!**


	3. Grudge Match

Cadpig and Jake trudged disappointedly across the fields and acres of Dearly Farm. "No matter where we go," Cadpig said, "we just can't get away from that mockery of a–"

Spot now jumped out from behind a nearby haystack. "Hey, Cadpig, are you ready for the w-w-wrestling match?"

"No, Spot, I am not ready for any of these so-called–"

"Hey guys," Spot said, "I found her!" Rolly now came running across the fields, followed by a barrel with legs.

"You ready for the big match, Cadpig?" Rolly asked, without anything resembling tact.

"Big match? Big match?" Cadpig responded. "I'll have you know that I'll have nothing to do with any match."

Lucky now poked his head out of the barrel. "You have to, sis. You're the champ."

"Why don't you do it," Jake said, "since you've already got the suit of armor."

"At least I wouldn't run away the first chance I got," Lucky said, directing the remark more at Jake than Cadpig.

"Maybe you should repeat that to Dumpling," Jake shot back.

"Well–" Lucky began.

"Quiet!" Cadpig yelled before he could finish. "I will not have you two fighting over that pathetic excuse for uninvited machismo they call a wrestling match!"

"Then you'll just have to forfeit…" Everybody looked behind them to see Vendella coming up with Scorch and a large group of other dogs. She grinned at the thought of such an easy triumph.

"No way," Lucky said, jumping out of his barrel, all fear of Dumpling promptly forgotten. "We'll never forfeit! You want the title, come and get it fair and square!"

"Fine by us," Vendella responded. "Let's just do it in the ring so that it's official."

"We'll be there!" Lucky said.

"No, I'm not go–" Rolly and Spot quickly clamped down on Cadpig's mouth.

The representatives of Dearly Farm and of Villa DeVil marched over to the ring in solemn procession. There was already a crowd gathered. Lucky, heading up the Dearly Farm retinue, immediately noticed Dumpling among the audience. As she was about to look in his direction, he quickly jumped behind Jake, who now had the task of leading Dearly Farm to the ring. Jake faltered a bit but continued forward once he realized that there what had happened. He shot a glare at Lucky, who was too worried about Dumpling to notice. Rolly and Spot were carrying Cadpig, who was squirming to get free and looking all-together like she was going to kill the two once she did. The audience began to let out a few cheers, but they were half-hearted. Nobody was quite sure how Dearly Farm could come away victorious this time.

Vendella, Scorch, and the thugs marched as though they were on parade. The audience yelled and jeered as they approached, but they ignored. Or rather, they took pride in it, soaking up their enemies' hatred as though it was a rush of applause.

Finally, as Spot and Rolly reached the side of the ring, Cadpig forced herself loose and fell to the ground. She stood up and approached the two menacingly.

"Now, somebody's going to have to pay for that."

Lucky jumped between Cadpig and her intended victims. "Save it for your opponent," he said, pointing at the ring.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I am not going through with that wrestling match?"

"I don't think they see it that way," Spot said. She pointed to the ring, where, to Cadpig's surprise, stood El Diablo, briefly the champion and even more briefly Cadpig's old boyfriend. Behind him were the two ruffians from earlier and two other large German Shepherd dogs.

Cadpig gasped to see him. But she would not let that move her. "I don't care how they see it," Cadpig said. "I am not going to wrestle them."

"Hey Lucky," Jake said, "I think your girlfriend's looking for you."

"What girlfriend?" Lucky said. Then he remembered. He looked up to see Dumpling bounding down the makeshift bleachers, sending the other farm animals on the benches flying as she landed on each one. She had definitely seen him.

"Lucky, oh Lucky!" she called out. She took a mighty leap from the bleachers and landed right in front of him, knocking Cadpig out of the way and sending her flying straight into the ring.

"There you are!" Dumpling continued. "I've been looking for my little valentine all day!"

"Hey Dumpling," Lucky said as he desperately searched for a way out of the situation. "I…" He then noticed that Cadpig had been knocked into the ring. "I… think that the match is about to start!" Dumpling looked at the dogs in the ring and, when she looked back, Lucky was gone.

Cadpig picked herself up and looked around. She saw that the five were closing in on her. Something occurred to her. "Hm, this doesn't seem fair," she said.

"Isn't it a bit… unbalanced?"

"Hehehe, you're the one who's going to be unbalanced after this," Vendella said from ringside.

"What does that even mean?" Spot said.

Vendella smirked deviously. "Look, there's no rule that says it has to be a one-on-one match."

"No rule, eh? Then I guess anybody can join in," Jake said as he proudly stepped through the ring ropes. He walked over and stood beside Cadpig.

"What do you think you're doing?" she said, with a hint of both anger and concern.

"I'm trying to save the girl I love from being pounded like in a trash compactor," he said.

"Recyclable, I hope." There was no hint of sarcasm in Cadpig's voice.

Jake stared blankly at Cadpig for a moment. Then he said, "I love you."

"I love you too," she replied, smiling sweetly as though they were not in a brawl with three-to-one odds.

El Diablo advanced first, staring Cadpig down. From the looks of him he had fire in his eyes and anger in his heart. Slowly he advanced but soon he quickened. He lunged, she braced, and soon he came down upon her.

And there he was, forepaws grasped around her feet. Tears poured from his eyes and he seemed to be afraid to let go. Cadpig was, though taken off-guard, unhurt, and all she could do was stare down at him in pity.

He let out a great sob and said, "Please, mamacita, please come back to me! I'm sorry for whatever I did! I don't even know what it was, but I'm sorry! Just come back!"

"Mph, you always were too clingy," Cadpig said as she pulled herself away. "Jake, get rid of him."

Jake came over and picked up El Diablo, who did not try or bother to resist. He took him to the side of the ring and moved to toss him out.

El Diablo then said, "She'll throw you away too! She'll throw you away, just like me! You can't win the wrestling match of love!"

"I already have," Jake responded, "but no hard feelings over your loss, right? And better luck on the home version of the game!" With that, Jake discarded El Diablo.

Jake returned to find the other four dogs advancing on Cadpig. "These other past boyfriends?" he asked her.

"No, it was just El Diablo and Mooch."

Jake's jaw dropped. "Mooch? You mean that brown sheepdog down by the old coach? The one that kind of acts like a jerk?"

Cadpig smiled and nodded. "That's the one. He was a lot worse before I cured him."

"Why can't you date a sweet, decent guy for a change?"

"Present company excluded?"

Jake winced. "Ouch. Guess I set myself up for that one."

"Um, guys?" Spot said from ringside. "You've got bigger problems to worry about!"

They looked to see that the oncoming ruffians had not stopped in their advance but were now almost upon them.

"Well, it's only two on four," Jake said with a sheepish smile, "we can take 'em, right?"

"What 'we?' " Cadpig said. She walked over to the edge of the ring and sat down.

Jake was alarmed. "Um, Pig, what are you doing?"

"How many times do I have to say that I won't have anything to do with this violence?"

"It's a bit late for that."

Cadpig shook her head furiously. "It's never too late!"

"It'll be when we're both being carried to our graves!" One of the ruffians leapt at Jake. Jake dodged and returned a blow, staggering the ruffian. Jake then grabbed him and slammed him down.

"We'll be fine if we just remain calm and refuse to give in to their brutish instincts," Cadpig said. She closed her eyes and began to meditate.

"Oom."

"But Cadpig–"

"Oom!"

The ruffian now attempted to elbow Jake, but he countered it and quickly threw him from the ring. Two others afterward advanced on him. Grabbing them both by the neck, he chokeslamed them both to the outside.

"Come on, Cadpig! I can't do this all alone!"

Cadpig opened one eye just briefly enough to see what was happening. "Looks like you're doing fine enough to me," she said, a strong hint of disappointment in her voice.

"Cadpig!"

"Oom! Lotus! Oom!"

Just then, the last ruffian, one of the large German Shepherds, smashed Jake in the back, sending him flying against the ropes.

As Jake stood there dazed, the ruffian approached Cadpig. Just as he was upon her, Jake looked up and saw what was about to unfold.

"Don't you dare touch her!" he yelled as he ran over and tackled the German, sending both over the top of the far rope and to the floor. Not entirely, in Jake's case, to the floor, for he had grabbed onto the rope and was able to pull himself back up. He walked over to Cadpig as the audience applauded, relieved at this sudden and unexpected victory. He lifted her up, so that she was standing, but otherwise she refused to leave her meditative state.

"Jake, leave me alone," Cadpig snapped.

"Cadpig, open your eyes. It's over."

Cadpig opened her eyes and saw that it was, indeed, over.

"What did I tell you?" she said. "There was no need for violence, was there? I just wish that you would have been more open to the idea."

Jake grimaced. "If I had been more open to the idea, my insides would now be open! I don't even want to think about what they would have done to you."

Cadpig put her paw on Jake's cheek. "Oh, you have so much to learn."

Jake knocked it away. "Is that the only reason you dated Mooch and the Chihuahua?"

"Of course! What other reason is there?"

"What about love? What about trust? What about loyalty? What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Is that the only reason you're dating me?"

"No, of course that's not the only reason!"

"But is it even a reason. I mean, could you love me if I didn't change?"

"Huh?"

"Guys," Spot said, "do you really have to have this conversation now?"

Jake stepped away. He now felt a profound burden and he did not know what to say. He turned back, deciding to just tell her whatever came to mind. He spoke, "I'll change everything for you, Cadpig. I'll change everything, except my soul. I can't do that, not even for you. No dog can change his soul and, as I see it, he doesn't really have the right to. That's just who he is. But even if I can't change my soul for you, I can love you with every ounce of my soul. I want to know if that would be enough for you. Is that enough?"

Cadpig looked at him and tears welled up in her eyes. "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard!" she said. "It tells me that I don't need to change you. Not one bit! You're already the perfect dog for me!" She hugged him and, as though there was nobody else left in the world, they kissed. The audience, for some unfathomable reason, began cheering and applauding.

"How cute," Vendella said. "Too bad that's the last kiss you'll ever share."

"Wha-what do you mean?" Spot asked.

Vendella grinned. "That was just the warm-up. Now it's time for the main event."

As she said this, the remainder of her group of ruffians entered the ring.

"This isn't fair!" Jake said. "We won already!"

Vendella glared evilly. "Hey, there isn't any–"

"Any rule. I should've figured," Jake said with resignation.

"That's right, and now there's nothing you can do to keep that title out of our hands!"

Cadpig sat back down and began meditating again.

"Oh, not again!" Jake said.

The group of ruffians advanced. Jake looked around. The whole audience seemed dazed with terror. Then he saw Lucky hiding out on the far side of the ring. Running over and sticking his head through the ropes, he said, "Hey, I could use a little help here!"

"I could use a little help of my own! Dumpling knows I'm here!"

"I think your sister is in a just a little bit more trouble than you are!"

Lucky glared at Jake. "You obviously don't know Dumpling very well, do you?"

"No, I don't, but I do know that if somebody doesn't help us then the whole farm is going to be disgraced. Don't you care about that?"

Lucky stiffened up; his pride was hurt. "Of course, I care!" Taking a gulp, he stood up on the apron and stepped into the ring. "Luckybolt will never allow Dearly Farm to be brought to shame!"

"Luckybolt?"

"Yeah, like Thunderbolt."

"Thunder…bolt?"

Lucky's jaw dropped. "Don't tell me you don't know who Thunderbolt is!"

"No."

Lucky curled his lip in disgust. "You make me sick."

Jake shrugged and returned to the center of the ring. Lucky walked over to the other side and signaled for Rolly and Spot to join him.

"You mean… in the match?" Rolly said.

"Bu-bu-but it's dangerous!" Spot protested.

"I know it's dangerous, but we need all the help we can get!" Lucky said. Reluctantly, Rolly and Spot entered the ring.

They all assembled in the center.

"What's the plan?" Jake said.

"I haven't thought of it yet," Lucky replied.

"Oom," Cadpig said, oblivious.

"How about we avoid getting hurt?" Spot said.

"Sounds like a good plan to me," Rolly opined.

Each individual went in an opposite direction. Jake and Lucky charged into the fray while Rolly and Spot did their best to avoid making contact with the fists of the opposition. Both Lucky and Jake were able to take down several of their opponents with relative ease, but it seemed to make no difference as more members of the mob just filled in the gaps they left. It was as though when one went down, another five arose to fill his place. It was soon becoming quite clear that the situation was hopeless.

And so it was. Soon, enough, Jake and Lucky were sent flying out of the ring and crashing through the wooden bleachers. Dumpling, who was looking throughout the audience for Lucky, heard the noise and came running. Seeing Lucky, Dumpling rushed over and, to her horror, found him and Jake barely conscious.

"Lucky, Lucky, speak to me!" she said. "What happened?"

Lucky weakly lifted up his arm and pointed to the ring. "They're what happened," he said before falling unconscious. Dumpling grew angry and jumped into the ring with a single bound. "Alright, nobody touches my boyfriend!" The audience broke from its terrified pall to roar with laughter at this suggestion.

"Looks like mission accomplished, Luck," Jake said before he too passed out.

"You are all dead meat for harming my little hero!" Dumpling bellowed. Spot and Rolly exchanged glances, silently deciding that it would be best to retreat from the fight. And so they scurried from the ring before anyone could notice. Dumpling now sent dogs flying left and right. Hardly was there one who could withstand thirty seconds against her. In the midst of all this, Cadpig was still meditating. She opened one eye slightly and said, "If you insist on these barbaric fights, could you at least try to keep it down! I can barely hear myself empty my mind!"

Dumpling paused from the tumult to speak to her. "Maybe you haven't noticed, spotty, but your boyfriend has just been quite near broken in two by those jokers!"

"What? Jake has been… oh, no!"

"Oh, yes! And what have you done to stop it!"

"I've taken non-violent actions."

"A fat lot of good that's done!"

"Violence is never the right answer." Cadpig looked to where Jake and Lucky had been thrown and saw them both knocked out cold. Her expression turned from one of placidity to one of anger.

"Violence is, however, occasionally the closest estimate," she said. She then jumped into the oncoming horde and threw very many out herself. Together, Cadpig and Dumpling cleared the ring and soon all of Villa DeVil's challengers had been vanquished. Dogs flew left and right and no one could withstand the duo. Cadpig's anger was unstoppable, as was Dumpling's, and it made a fearsome sight to see as dogs several sizes larger than either could do nothing but be pulverized. Finally, the last few dogs, as Cadpig advanced on them, tiny but seemingly the size of an entire army and burning with fury all the while, made the wise decision to vacate the ring on their own accord and run far away. Seeing that they were all gone, Dumpling left the ring to go check on Lucky, leaving Cadpig alone and the victor.

Dearly Farm cheered madly as Spot reentered the ring to lift up Cadpig's arm. Meanwhile, Vendella and Scorch snarled for a second before attempting a quick escape.

"Put me down!" Cadpig yelled. Despite the general mood of celebration, all she could think about was her wounded boyfriend. Spot, knowing better than to mess with the twice-victorious champion, complied. Cadpig than ran out of the ring and over to where Dumpling was cradling Lucky. Jake was not there.

"Where's Jake?" she called out with worry.

Suddenly, the lights dimmed – quite an accomplishment considering that this was an outdoor ring. A flash of lightning came out of the sky, a shrill bell rang, and several eerie notes of funeral music was heard. And in the middle of the ring stood Jake, in a dark outfit and long black wig. He held his paws out and upward and his eyes, outlined by black eyeliner, were a ghastly white. "Prepare to face the terror," he said, "of the Underbarker."

He stomped around the ring, looking for victims. Cadpig slowly returned to the ring. "Jake, honey," she said, "the match is over."

"What? Who won?"

"We did."

"That's… great. It really is. Too bad this stunt was all for nothing."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that…" Cadpig pointed at Vendella and Scorch, who had both been knocked out by the lightning strike just as they were about to make their getaway.

Jake took off his wig and rubbed the eyeliner from his eyes. "Mind you, you did look pretty silly," Cadpig said.

"What can I say? It was much more impressive when I actually had a match to use it in. So what if it's hopelessly derivative? What are they going to do, sue a Westie?"

"So what?" Cadpig continued. "I still think it was romantic. Brutish and morbid, but romantic."

"You do?" Jake looked at Cadpig with immense surprise as she approached him.

"Of course. You were just trying to protect me, after all."

Cadpig and Jake then hugged each other and leaned in for a kiss. The whole audience, euphoric at their victory in battle and this romantic spectacle in front of them, once again began clapping and cheering like fools, as well as stamping their feet (altogether the most practical measure) and letting out animal-specific noises of joy and gratitude. This interrupted the two and they looked out, somewhat embarrassed, at the cheering crowd. The whole of Dearly Farm was filled with joy.

Near the end of the bleachers, covered in shadow and unnoticed by all, a dark figure looked on. "The rumors are true!" he said, "Animals wrestling! And with more quality and professionalism than I could ever dream of! I'm ruined!" With this pain heavy in his heart, he slowly and quietly departed, completely alone.

That great man walked into the distance and was seen no more. Tommy Bison disappeared into history, leaving only his name and his legend behind.

Cadpig and Jake closed in to kiss again, but were interrupted by the sound (and vibrations) of Dumpling entering the ring with a semi-conscious Lucky on her back.

"Well, Dumpling," Cadpig said, "I have to admit, you did come through for Dearly Farm. I didn't know you had it in ya!"

"I'm not the Mayor's daughter for nothing," Dumpling responded. "Besides, it got me my little hero, didn't it?" She looked at Lucky.

"I guess it was unavoidable," he said with little sense but much resignation. "Wake me when it's over." He then fell back into unconsciousness.

"Well, I guess this was a pretty happy Valentine's Day after all!" Cadpig said. She and Jake then leaned in to try another kiss. However, just as they're lips were about to meet, Cadpig pulled back.

"There's just one thing I don't get," she said.

"What?" Jake asked.

"How did you make the sky go dark and how'd you cause that lightning-bolt?"

"Elementary, my dear sweetheart. Special effects."

"Special effects? I didn't know that you could do special effects."  
"Of course I can. In fact, I'm going to show you some more special effects right now!"

Jake and Cadpig leaned in and, finally, they kissed.


End file.
